Pedal to the Metal

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Prologue

5 years ago

It was getting late and I knew I needed to get home. Harlyn would be worried if she didn't at least hear from me soon. Plus, I figured she was dying for one of those Dairy Queen blizzards. Her cravings had become constant at this point. Only two more months left until we got to meet our little girl. Sometimes I still found it hard to believe that I was going to be a father but at least I'd had a hell of a role model growing up. 

Sliding out from underneath the car I thought back to the first day I saw Harlyn Bexton in seventh grade. She was a new student and even though she was trying not to draw attention to herself she was hard to miss with that medium brown hair, pale skin, rosy cheeks, gray eyes and full lips. I felt every nerve on my body stand on end when she looked at me. It had taken me a whole month just to speak to her, Axell and Bowie still give me hell over that. 

That memory seems like yesterday yet it was seven years ago. We survived middle school, high school and Harlyn has managed two years of college. We're happily engaged and expecting, living in a small two bedroom apartment but it's home. I could live anywhere and it would be home as long as I had Harlyn. Sure, it had been hard since we found out she was pregnant. I was working at my family's body shop and bar while trying to save everything I could since Harlyn had to quit working but we were making it. We were going to be okay because we always were, as long as we had each other we'd be okay. 

No one plans on being a parent at 20 but I didn't worry because Harlyn was going to be a natural. Bowie popped his head inside the door "Jagger!" he called out. 

I sat up and looked at him "Yeah?"

"It's getting pretty late, you might want to call it a night." He said before turning to head back over to the bar which was directly behind the body shop. I heard the door open again before Bowie's head reappeared "Oh, and your phone has been going off like crazy. I keep hearing I'll Be There For You  by Bon Jovi every few minutes." He said tossing my phone to me.

Shoot! It was almost midnight, no wonder Harlyn was blowing my phone up. I bet she was worried sick. We didn't exactly live in the safest neighborhood but most people knew not to mess with and of the James boys. I dashed to the sink to wash my hands then grabbed my keys. Once I was in my car I dialed Harlyn back to let her know I was on my way home.

"Jagger, I was so worried." I heard Harlyn sigh into the phone. My girl had a voice of an angel.

"Sorry angel, I got busy working on this 1967 Ford Eleanor GT and lost track of time. I'm heading to get your blizzard now then I'll be home." 

"Don't worry about the blizzard I'm almost to the DQ now. I just couldn't wait any longer." She said sounding apologetic but she had nothing to apologize for. I however, owed her an apology she shouldn't be out this time of night, alone and pregnant in the neighborhood. I had to start paying better attention. "Jagger, wherever your mind is reel it back in. I'm fine, Harper is fine, we both just need our ice cream. We'll meet you back at home."

"Are you sure Harlyn?" I asked but I never got a response. Instead I heard a scream, tires screeching, metal bowing and glass shattering before the phone went dead. My heart was in my throat as I sped up to get to where I thought Harlyn might be and sure enough there was her car, or what was left of it. A jacked up Ford truck was laying on it's side but I didn't bother to even stop as I ran towards Harlyn but as approached I noticed she wasn't in the car. 

I screamed her name over and over as I ran along the darkened side of the road. This curve had always been deadly but I never feared it, not until tonight, not until I saw Harlyn laying about five feet out from the car, not moving, her body laying in impossible position. Blood was everywhere, as I collapsed next to her I felt her tiny neck for a pulse but got nothing. In that moment my entire world stopped spinning, that Jagger stopped existing. My heart shattered like that windshield, my mind bent like that metal and suddenly my voice was screeching like those tires. My whole life had just been taken in an instant. By the time the paramedics and cops arrived I was numb. As the zipped Harlyn and Harper up in that black body bag I felt me the last part of me die. It went with them, my brothers had showed up by that time but I wanted nothing from them, I wanted no one. The only one I wanted was gone.

That night had changed everything. I had fled from Los Angeles after the funeral and I hadn't returned, that was five years ago but my family needed me now. I was 25 now and it was time for me to be grow up and be a man. That night, the loss of the two who meant the most to me, this world the last five years, had changed me. I was no longer the naive man that believed that love would make everything better. I no longer believed that one person could make everything okay. 

Chapter 1

Londynn

I stare up at the large cream colored mansion and suddenly my anxiety kicks back in full force. I take some deep breath slowly and count to ten like I've been told to do over the past three months. I make my way up the steps from the taxi I had to take to return home. You would think one of my parents could have made time in their busy schedules to pick me up but nope, once again I was left to fend for myself. I guess I could have called Farrah but it's still relatively early for her. I'm pretty sure she doesn't see the sunlight until at least one in the afternoon. Then of course you'd think Ryce could have shown up considering he was my boyfriend, or at least he use to be, before. I didn't even bother to tell Creed or Livy that I was coming home today or otherwise they would have been there and made a big deal about it. I just couldn't handle all that right now.

Closing the door behind me I stand in foyer of the white sterile mansion I'm suppose to call home but it's never really been a home. Not in any real sense of the word anyways. Sure I grew up here, I had a mom, dad, brother and sister but we had always lived our lives apart from one another. I spent most of my time with nanny until I was old enough to take care of myself which in my parents eyes was about ten. Thankfully, my parents had hired an older lady name Vivienne as the cook and main housekeeper. She had made it well known that she thought my parents were crazy for letting me and my siblings run around with no supervision or structure. She always made sure to stop and give us all a kiss or hug or kind word of encouragement. She had dried my tears more than once in my lifetime. 

Vivienne was in early 60's when she started working for us but for me she was like the mother I didn't have. She was a short, round lady with cheeks that always stayed a shade of pink. Her medium length gray hair was always worn up in a tight bun and kind blue eyes were always hidden behind her reading glasses. She never wore any jewelry except for her wedding band even though she was widowed, that had forced her to come out of retirement. She had been a teacher in her younger years and she loved children that was for sure. She even loved Duke, my brother, and he was the easiest to love. Vivienne had spent all the time she could here with us, teaching us, raising us but she was gone now. Just another things to add to the list of before. 

As I looked around to the tiled floor that was too shiny to be walked on, the overly white walls that could blind you when the sun from the sky lights above hit them just right, the exquisite chandelier that hung in the middle of the sky lights, the expensive paintings on the walls that were only there to showcase how much money my parents wanted people to believe they had. I dropped my luggage on the floor and listen to the echo in the silence of this house. Without Vivienne there was chance of the house ever becoming a home. Picking back up my luggage I passed the living room that was never lived in and the formal dinning room that was only used to keep up appearances. 

I went up the grand stair case and took the right one when they broke into two. The right side of the house was the "Children's wing" as my parents referred to it as. Every door is closed up tight, Duke and Farrah haven't been here in years, just me. I'm the youngest, the last hope to make the Parrish family name look good since Duke and Farrah didn't follow the plan, didn't conform to the expectations that had been held for them. Now i was the last hope and I was faced with the fact that my life had been planned out for me since before I could speak. I didn't do well with the disappointed looks I received my parents, even though they had never showed signs of love to me I still yearned for it. For the first time in three months I wished I was Farrah.

As I opened the door to the room I called mine I wasn't shocked to see it hadn't changed. It still looked like no one ever used it. A bedroom in a magazine looked my inviting than mine did. I hadn't even been given a choice in my bedding or decor. Everything was pale pink, it had a princess feel, which I guess is what my parents thought of us as since the Parrish family was one of the richest families in Los Angeles aside from celebrities. I dropped my luggage next to the door as I made my way to the French doors on either side of my bed that led to the balcony. 

I refuse to look at all the wall of shelves that had been added to the room once my parents realized I would be a champion in dance. All those trophies and medals and pictures would just cause that hole in my heart to open back up and swallow me hole. The anxiety attack would set in again if I did. In the life I had been handed I never had to hurt for anything except for the freedom to make my own decisions. 

My phone goes off and I see Livvy's name and picture bouncing around on the screen. I slide my finger across to answer it. Justin Bieber is blaring in the background and I can hear Creed begging her to turn it down. Finally, Livvy's chipper voice comes over the phone. "Londynn? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I was just listening to you too bicker like an married couple." I reply.

"We do not!" She says with her normal dramatic flare but I guess that's to be expected from an aspiring actress.

"You do to but that's beside the point." I say sitting on my bed, careful not to wrinkle it. I shake my head at how idiotic of an idea that is. 

Creed's deep voice comes over the line next. "Anyways, me and the wifey," I hear him laugh and Livvy give an eww, "wanted to know what time you were being released so we could pick you up then were all going to lunch and the beach to celebrate."

I sigh, preparing for the backlash I'm about to get. "I'm already at home but we can go to lunch and the beach."

"Wait! You already got out and home but you didn't tell us." Livvy says sounding hurt and I don't think it's her acting ability this time. 

"Why didn't you call us Londynn?" Creed asks me.

"I don't know. I told my parents but neither showed so I just took a taxi. Listen, it's not big deal just head over here and we'll head to lunch. I'm starved." I say trying to lighten the mood and it seems to work since the subject is dropped for now. They said their about thirty minutes away so I have time to change and touch up my makeup.

As I stand in full stocked, over the top walk-in closet I shake my head. This is an obscene amount of clothes for anyone to own. I use to pride myself on all the materialistic things I had been given. However, after that night three months ago it all just seems so shallow. I actually think it started the beginning of my senior year in high school when I realized that my life wasn't really mine. My parents expected me to do as the pleased. My mom had married my dad because it was good for her father's business and he came from the most wealthy family at the time. He was a guaranteed to succeed. 

I don't think my parents ever really loved each other, their marriage was just an arrangement that would both help them personally. They were all about the appearances, it didn't matter that my father was a functioning alcoholic nymphomaniac that has slept with every office manager who had had ever worked for him. Curtis Parrish was one of the most sought after plastic surgeons in California. Women and Men came to him from all over and paid him a ridiculous price to keep looking like their child's sibling instead of their parent. My dad was handsome and could be incredibly charming but he wasn't going to win any daddy of the year awards but I guess young pretty office managers don't care about that. No, all they care about is that Curtis Parrish is tall, standing at 6'3", broad shoulders, lean physique since he's an avid runner. He keeps his salt and pepper hair slicked back where it curls just at his collar. However, it totally works for him because it he has that total George Clooney thing going on that all the ladies seem to go for. His square jaw, perfect nose and teeth and deep hazel eyes seal the package. Never mind, the fact that he's extremely wealthy, I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

However, I'm sure many look at my parents and see the appearance they try so hard to convey. I'm sure many know the truth and blame my father but it's not just him. My mother is walking cliche. She's a self medicated whore who has had an affair with every pool boy, personal trainer and gardener we've ever had working at this house. I get what the guys see because my mom is gorgeous. She's 5'9" without her heels, slender, with medium length hair that is currently a sandy blonde. Her blue eyes are striking as well as the face that she has bought over the years. Patricia Parrish was no mother, she was like this house. This house was not home just a place that five people had rested their heads. Three children had been carried by Patricia Parrish but none had been loved. 

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I had forgotten about Livvy and Creed until I heard them coming down the hallway. As they entered my room I ran to them and pulled Livvy into my arms first. Her tiny stature was not showing today thanks to her five inch wedges. Alivia Gomez was all of 5 feet 1 inch with every Latin curve. Her long black hair was think and curled perfectly. She smiled at me, exposing her dimples in her baby face cheeks. Her brown eyes were full of love and it made me happy to know that I at least had friends I could call family. 

I didn't have time to turn around before Creed Eisenhower pulled me into his strong arms. Creed wasn't much taller than me at 5' 10" but he was practically a genius. He attended the same private high school as Livvy and I but he attended on a scholarship which was strictly given due to his brain. His floppy brown hair was pushed to one side and his glasses almost hid those caramel colored eyes that made all the girls stare. It didn't help that they were framed but some amazing lashes. Since his braces had been removed last year he smiled constantly causing lines to form around his mouth but it suited him. 

"We've missed you Londynn! Now, let's go eat cause now I'm starving." Livvy said grabbing my hand and pulling me out into the hallway. I may not have the family I dreamed off or the freedom to do what I want with my life but I did have these two amazing people to call my family.

********************* 

Jagger

Pulling back into Los Angeles after five years was the last thing I wanted to do but my brothers needed me now. With my fathers death and Jovi still in school they were going to need the extra pair of hands at the shop and bar. AS much as I'd like to stay running from my past it was time I faced it. I drove through L.A. until I reached the neighborhood I had called home. North Hills, Los Angeles is not a desired place to live. It's home to the lower middle class with small houses built in the 70s and 80s. A lot of the homes had become run down over the years but it was still home. As I made my way through the neighborhood I came upon the curve in the road that had changed everything for me. Pulling over to the side of the road I parked and stared out the windshield. My heart rate picked up as that night came back to me in flashes. Every time I closed my eyes that night came back to me I didn't want to start living that daily hell while awake too. 

I got out of the car gathering the red and pink carnations I picked up at the store and made my way out to the cross that had been placed in the memory of the lives lost. My brothers had told me about this but I had never seen it with my own eyes. Someone Ace had managed to make it from hubcaps left at the shop. It was a beautiful shiny silver but it was a simple cross that read "Harlyn Bexton & Harper James" with two pairs of wings dangling from each side. My eyes stung but I couldn't move. I was rooted in this spot just like I had been that night. I leaned forward and placed my bunch of carnations next to the fresh daisies laying there. "Hi my angels, sorry I've been gone so long. I'll be around now or at least I'm going to try. It's hard without you two. I love you both." 

As I got up I made my way back to my car without looking back. Once I was behind the wheel again I felt that hole in my heart. Pounding on my steering wheel made it seem better but it was just an illusion. Why did I think I could come back here? I pulled back on to the road and headed towards my childhood home. Pulling into the drive way I stare at the house that I was raised in, it hasn't changed a bit. The single story with white siding and two steps leading up to the teal door my mama had insisted on. I remember painting that door as part of my punishment for my first speeding ticket. It wasn't really punishment though since it made my mama so happy. The big tree in the front yard shaded most of the house. The brick planter boxes that lined both sides of the front of the house, a punishment for Bowie at one point, we full of every color of daisy. No doubt in my mind that those flowers planted here and the ones laid by the cross were because of Sadie, Axell's fiance. 

I got out of the car, grabbing my luggage from the trunk and made my way to the door. According the driveway only Bowie was home. When I got to the door I paused I didn't know if I should just go in or knock first. Twisting the door handle I felt it was unlocked so I went inside. As I stood inside I took in the small three bedroom, two bath house. To my left was the living room where my brothers and I use to fight over the remote. My brothers had laid new carpet and the furniture was now a leather sectional. I could see from hear that the kitchen had been painted through the bar that overlooked the living room. It was white and pale yellow now. Down the hallway was the three bedroom doors, Axell and Sadie, Mine and my youngest brother Jovi. 

I took in the house and the smells. This was the house that had taught me everything. I had grown up in this house with two parents who loved fiercely. They had always taught us that as long you loved fully and tried to do what you thought was right then nothing else mattered. As long as you had roof over your head and food to eat then you should complain. There was always someone else out there who had less than you so be thankful for what you had regardless. I had once believed all of that, I have believed that if I worked hard and loved harder that my life would be complete and it was until Harlyn was taken from me. Now, I don't believe in any of that. Maybe, it worked for my parents but not for me. 

My parents had been high school sweethearts and married two days after graduation at the courthouse. No big ceremony, no big dress and no big ring but there had always been an abundance of love. Shortly after they were married they found out they were pregnant with Axell the first of five boys they would have and raise in this house. My dad had worked at Carl's which was a car repair and body shop. It was the only job he ever had, he started in high school and worked there until Carl gave it to my father because of his age. Dad had then added the bar on the other side of the building a couple years later.

This house had been all my parents could afford when they first married but they kept it. My parents had 21 full years of love before my mom lost her battle with cancer, that was 12 years ago. Jovi was just three at the time. My dad had always been a strong man, he had that don't mess with me look but the day my mom took her last breath I saw him cry for the first time. My parents were complete opposites. Ronald James was that rough and tough kind of guy who loved 80s rock and American muscle cars. For as long as I could remember he had long hair they was always in a ponytail, a full beard, multiple tattoos on his arms and chest. He cursed like a sailor and never backed down in a fight and smoked at least a pack of a day. He was tall at almost 6'4" and all muscle. My mom Annie had been 5'3" with a lean and curvy build. Her shoulder length chocolate brown hair was always straight. Her blue green eyes were always kind and her smile could light up a room. To most people my parents made no sense but it worked. 

Four months ago my dad had left to be with my mom. They all said it was a heart attack but I think it was a 12 year broken heart. After losing Harlyn I understood how my dad felt all those years. It had only been five years for me and I still had a hard time finding the strength to keep going sometimes. Maybe having five mouths to feed at home was what he needed to keep pushing. I felt for Ace and Jovi the most. They had least amount of time with our mom and now Jovi was losing time with dad too. I took a deep breath before heading towards  my old room. As I opened the door I found my room had been changed a lot. Probably because Ace had moved into my room when I had moved out into my own place with Harlyn after high school graduation. The room was clean and showed no signs of anyone living in it before. It looked like a guest room that I was sure was done by the hands of Sadie. I couldn't even begin to imagine what she had found left behind from me and Ace. Although at this point I as sure it wouldn't phase her she knew the five of us were hell on wheels. 

I unpacked my belongings, while I was hanging my clothes in the closet I heard the back door open. Bowie's body was in my doorway before I turned around. "Well hell! Looks like my baby brother is back finally and planning on staying?" he asked.

Bowie was the next to oldest and had a lot of my mom's physical traits with his blue eyes, chocolate brown hair and tan skin. He was at least 6'2" and all muscle like our father. Tattoos covered his biceps now, no doubt thanks to the tattoo shop that him and Ace owned together. His hair was messy like he just got out of bed and he was clean shaven."Figured you guys might could use some help around here now. Figured it was time to stop hiding."

"Well, it's good to have you back Jagger." He said crossing the room and pulling me into a hug. I might be younger but I had a least two inches on him and about 20 more pounds of muscle. "Does Axell know?" He asked.

"Yeah, I told him I was considering it but not to tell anyone until I was sure." I replied.

"Well, damn I guess that explains why Sadie has been cleaning on this room all week." He said rubbing his chin.

I finished hanging up my clothes, "She didn't have to do that. I could have cleaned it myself."

He chuckled "You didn't see the mess Ace left it in."

I laughed "Yeah I guess I didn't. After I'm done here I'm heading over to the shop to see Axell, you want to come?"

"Hell yeah! I'll go change." And with that he was gone from my room leaving the back screen door to bang shut. Bowie lived in the little one room shed outside. My dad had added it while we were in high school and called in his man cave. According to Axell, Bowie now lived there. He came back in the house with all the swag of his ladies man reputation. "Let's go see our big brother!" He said as we left the house and made our way to my '68 Camaro SS. Bowie let out a low whistle while assessing the car. "Now, this is nice, not as nice as my Fastback but still nice. Vegas must have treated you well.

I just shrugged as we got in the car and left the driveway. Bowie turned up the radio and started singing and playing air guitar to ACDC. I couldn't help but laugh, I think it was the first real laugh I'd had in five years. Maybe, returning wouldn't be so bad after all. I might not be that naive boy who believed that love could conquer everything but that didn't mean I couldn't find some purpose or strength by being surrounded my brothers again. 

Chapter 2

Londynn

It's late afternoon by the time Alivia and Creed drop me back off at my house. As I enter I notice the house is still silent which isn't too shocking since it's Friday night. My parent will be lucky to make it home in the early morning hours, if at all. I'm slowly making my way up the stairs when Farrah's ringer goes off. As soon as I answer Farrah is talking. "Okay, I'll be there in about forty five minutes then we are going out of the night. Dress hott! Love ya doll!" After that the line disconnects but this isn't shocking either. 

Farrah has always marched to the beat of her own drum, much to our parents dismay. She wasn't one to be told what to do, she was carefree and fun loving. Farrah didn't care if she disappointed anyone as long as she made her self happy. As soon as she graduated high school and turned eighteen, she cashed in her trust fund, moving it to another bank so my parents couldn't control it, she packed up her room, rented a studio apartment and started working at a boutique. She had peeled out of the driveway in her black Ranger Rover with her middle finger in the air and platinum blonde hair in the wind and never looked back.

My parents had basically disowned her except for social events and holidays. Even though I was sure my parents nonchalance had hurt Farrah she didn't show it. She had carried on like the trooper she is. I'd always admired how tenacious she was. As I make it to my room I decide to shower quickly before she arrives. After showering and dressing I step out of my bathroom to find Farrah laying across my bed on her back, reading a fashion magazine. Her deep blue eyes take in my appearance and frowns.

"What?" I ask sounding more defensive that I meant to.

My tone doesn't go unnoticed because her frown only deepens as she rolls over onto her stomach. "I said to dress hott, not like were going to the country club."

Looking down I take in my outfit, yellow and black floral skirt that hits above the knee with a black silk top and black heels. I had pulled my hair into a low side ponytail. "What's wrong with what I have on?"

"You look like you're going off to prep school." She says as she rises from the bed. I look her over, she has on a pair of skin tight jeans and black leather halter top with a pair of black stilettos. Her long platinum blonde hair hangs in long curls with half of it pulled back. Her makeup is heavy with fake eyelashes and a ton of eyeliner but that's her normal. Once shes standing in front of me she holds out a bag for me to take.

"What's this?" I ask as I take the bag from her hand.

"This doll, is an outfit that won't make you stick out like sore thumb. Where were going you can't go dressed like that." She says motioning her red tipped nails in my direction. She ushers me into the bathroom before she starts helping me strip off the clothes. 

"Where are we go Farrah?" I ask while she starts pulling the contents from the bag out.

"We" she says motioning between us "Are going out." She starts handing me the clothes and I put them on without protest. After I'm dressed she sits me down while she teases my straight hair before placing a black ribbon headband in it. Moving on to my makeup she adds dark eye shadow and ton of mascara and eyeliner. "Man, I'd kill for your lashes. If I had yours I wouldn't have to glue these on every day." She says motioning to her own eyelashes. She stands back and pushes me towards my full length mirror. "Now, we can go out."

Standing in the mirror I'm a little speechless. Farrah dressed me in something I loved but would never have been allowed to wear. Skinny light wash jeans that were ripped up, a simple black tee that was maybe a little to tight in my opinion and a pair of black wedges. I wasn't sure what to make out of this outfit but I liked it, a lot. Farrah claps when she notices the smile on my face then she grabs my hand and pulls me down the stairs to her Range Rover.

Farrah is dancing and singing along as we make our way through L.A.. I dawns on me that I don't even know where were going and I'm about to ask when Farrah turns the down music and glances at me. "You okay Londynn?" I give her a smile and nod but she doesn't seem appeased. "Londynn you've been home all of one afternoon and you already seem miserable again."

"I'm not miserable."

She huffs, "Really Londynn? I don't buy that, you are miserable. Living your life based on someone else's expectations will make you miserable. You have got to learn to live for yourself." 

I take a deep breath and count to five like I've learned to keep my emotions in check. "Farrah, not everyone is you."

"What's that suppose to mean?" She asks and I can hear the hurt laced through her voice.

I shrug "It means not everyone is as brave as you are. Not everyone just give up the life that's been given to them."

"Given to you? Londynn, your life has been prepared for you. It wasn't given to you. From the time each of us were born our so called parents planned out our lives, where we'd go to school, what activities we'd be involved in, what we'd wear, who'd we date and marry, what college and profession, all of it Londynn. All of it, not a single decision about our lives was actually ours. I didn't want my life to be controlled by them." She says and I can see that her neck has a flush to it. Whenever her neck has a flush it means she's really worked up. I wish I could be a strong as Farrah but I'm not.

"I know what you're saying is true but I'm not you. I'm like Duke." I say feeling defeated while the gnawing in the pit of my stomach returns.

"You are not like Duke. Duke is a walking, talking clone of our father. You are not mom or dad, I can see it in you but you're too scared to let go. You're too scared to disappoint them, you can't be afraid of that."

"I don't know Farrah."

"Okay, obviously I've made my point but I'm just going to keep pushing you, or maybe I'll get lucky and you'll find something or someone to light a fire under your ass and you'll do it on your own." She says nudging me my shoulder before making a kissy face at me.

Laughing and shaking my head I ask "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"It's a Friday night in L.A., were going to do what everyone else is doing besides going to the club." She says avoiding my question but I already know the answer. In L.A. on a Friday night there's really only two thing most people our age do either go out clubbing or to a party and the other is go to the street races. If were not going clubbing then were going to the street races and I don't know how I feel about that. Ryce is for sure going to be there, he races every week, has since he's gotten his licence. He also loses every week to one of the James brothers. 

"Farrah" I say in a warning tone.

"What?" she asks in her most innocent voice, batting her eyelashes at me.

I let out a heavy sigh "I can't go to the races, what if is Ryce is there?"

"What if he is?" she asks, shrugging her shoulders.

"You know that I don't know what we are right now." Three months ago on the night that changed everything for me I had walked in to find Ryce having sex with another girl. I'd had my suspicions in the past but never any confirmation. It shattered my heart in ways I didn't know possible, the things he had said to me afterwards were just extra daggers. I had honestly believed he had loved me but I had been wrong. It hadn't been me he loved, it was my name and the money that came along with it. 

"What do you want y'all to be?" Farrah asked. As if our relationship could be so easily defined. I was expected to marry Ryce at some point, it had been that way since I was fifteen and we started dating. Ryce had been my first everything and our families expected marriage. "Londynn, I can see those wheels spinning but your relationship with Ryce is yours. You can decided what you want it to be. He's the one who cheated and the blamed you for not being able to keep his pants on. He's the one that's the cold hearted bastard."

"But our parents expect us to be together"

"To hell with what our parents want or what Ryce's parents want or even what Ryce wants. What do you want?" I stay silent because no one has ever asked me what I wanted. I don't actually know how to answer that. "Londynn, look at our parents and that relationship. Do you want that for your future? Do you want a husband that drinks too much and sleeps around? Do you want to be self-medicated like mom? I don't think you do." 

I turn and look out the window as we pass the beach. The setting sun glistens on the ocean. When I was little I would dream that someday I'd become a mermaid and I'd swim in that immense body of water. I could just escape it all but I was never going to be a mermaid. I had two choices either continue to let the expectations of my family dictate my life or pull a Farrah and figure things out on my own. Resting my head against the seat I feel more confusion growing.

Jagger

As Bowie and I pulled into the parking lot of the boy shop. I cut the engine and stare at the long building in front of us. It was no longer the peeling gray color it was when I left. Now, it was vintage red with black trim and silver metal door. "Damn, did everything change while I was gone?" I turn to ask Bowie.

"Man, you've been gone five years, things were bound to change. When Axell took over who gave the shop and the bar a face lift." He goes quiet while I study the building again. "You gotta admit it looks better."

It did look better, it looked better than better, it looked the kind of shop we had always wanted. Axell had taken the time and money to make everything look more presentable, it had to help the business. "Yeah, looks a ton better I just wasn't expecting it. C'mon let's go see our brother." I say punching him in the arm.

As we get out of the car and make our way up to the shop I see he upgraded the inside as well. Once were inside the door the smell of oil, tire rubber and metal hits my nose. This is home and suddenly it's like I'm seventeen again, working in this shop learning everything I could about cars. Bowie leads the way to the office, while saying hi to a few of the workers, he knocks on the door then enters. I follow behind. Axell is standing, talking on the phone. 

Axell hasn't changed much he's skin is still unable to tan, even in the California sun he's still pale. He almost black hair is not long like it use to be. Now, it's just long enough to slick it back and he's traded his baby face for a trimmed to his face beard. He's still the tallest at 6'5" and like all of us he's all muscle. His widen at the surprise of seeing me with Bowie. Axell's eyes are now wide enough that you can tell they are two different colors one is solid blue and the other is part brown and part blue. It's a disease or condition of something that I can't even begin to pronounce.

After he hangs up the phone he walks around the desk and pulls me into a rough hug. "Jagger. It's been too long. It's good to see you again little brother." 

"You too" I tell him while hugging him back.

He pulls back and holds me at arms length distance "Vegas has been good to you. Why didn't you tell me you'd be here today?"

I rub my hand over my face "Didn't know to be honest. I just got off work and packed up what I wanted to bring."

"Well, either way it's good to have you back." Axell says with his goofy smile on his face. "Sadie will be happy that she took care of the room yesterday."

"Yeah, about that. She didn't have to do that. I could have taken care of it myself."

He waves his hand as if swatting the thought away. "You know Sadie." Sadie was a permenant fixture in our family, had been since Axell and her met in high school and started dating. Saide had become like a mother to all of us and I was sure she still was to Jovi. She had managed to put herself through college and graduate and was now a full time nurse. She was the best thing that had ever happened to Axell.

"Okay, as much as I hate to break up the brother bonding I'm starving." Bowie interrupts and Axell laughs then suggest we head over to The Garage, our families bar on the back side of the building. We make our way over and take a seat at the bar, Bowie goes behind the bar and grabs us all beer then pops his head inside the back door and asks for three burgers and fries. 

We mostly eat in silence with exception of a curious question from one of my brothers. My thoughts keep drifting to the last time I was in this bar. It had been after Harlyn and even though I wasn't old enough to drink I was hammered. I had started a bar fight and I would have gotten arrested if Bowie hadn't taken the fall for me and while Ace drove me home. Two days after I had packed up and left. Las Vegas was close enough and big enough that I could forget my past and hide out. Being back here though reminded me of how much I had missed this place I called home. 

We continued to hang around the bar, my brothers filled me in on the things I had missed out on. Apparently, the James brothers still ruled the racing world, Ryce Whitten and the rich brats from Santa Monica tried every week but never beat us, Farrah Parrish now worked as a bartender at The Garage and had a thing going on with Connor Hart, who was from our side of town. Farrah had always been different from the rest of the Santa Monica brats. She had paved her own path and that wasn't allowed apparently. 

Bowie told me that Duke Parrish had lived up to his expectation. He sometimes still came to the races with his nose in the air like he was superior to the rest of us. He was going to be lawyer once he finished college and he had already placed a ring on Kasha Kendrick's hand. I really wasn't that surprised or interested in Duke however, I was curious about Londynn, Farrah's younger sister. She was the most intriguing tome, when I had left she had only been fourteen but she had already been gorgeous. With her honey colored hair and dark hazel eyes that looked like stars were dancing in them, she had still believed in the magic of the world. 

"So you told me about the rest of the Parrish family, what about Londynn?" I asked trying to seem as uninterested as possible.

Bowie chuckled and gave Axell a knowing look. "That's right you had always been the most curious about the baby of the family." Bowie says laughing way too hard.

"It's not like that, I was just curious." Bowie could be exhausting at time. I look over at Axell I get a sense of sadness in his eyes but I'm not sure why.

Axell clears his throat "Well she kind of did what you'd expect. As soon as she was old enough to date she became Ryce's girlfriend."

"Not that his punk ass deserves her." Bowie chimes in.

"She's been away for three months according to Farrah and the relationship with Ryce is questionable." Axell says before falling silent. After a few minutes of silence Axell checks his watch and says "We should get going we gotta get to the races and close the shop." Bowie is already in the shop helping clean up for the day when Axell places his hand on my shoulder to stop me "Jagger, Londynn is vulnerable right now so it's best to stay clear."

I feel my brows knit together in confusion. I didn't know why he was telling me to stay clear, I had no intention of going after here. Even at fourteen Londynn deserved a one woman type of a guy and I wasn't him. I would never be that guy again, not after Harlyn. Everything for me now when it came to women was no strings attached sex, just about the release. Something told me the Londynn wasn't that type of girl. "I wasn't planning on getting near her. Unless the woman is Harlyn, I don't give a damn." I said walking away from Axell and heading to my car.  I didn't anymore brotherly advice today.

~*~

As I pull up to the street that we'd be using to race tonight I spot my brothers cars, Axell's black 1970 Chevy Chevelle, Ace's royal blue Dodge Challenger Hellcat and Bowie's black 1968 Ford Mustang Fastack. I pull in next to Bowie, as I get out I spot Ace and Jovi leaning next to the wall smoking a cigarette. I walk up yanking the cigarette from Jovi's mouth "I don't think so."

Jovi looks up at me with his wide innocent eyes, he's tall now at least 6'1" with messy chocolate brown hair that's a little to long on the top, he's far too skinny though, I'd have to fix that, start hitting the weight with him. "Jagger?" his voice no longer hold that pre-puberty squeak it us to, now it's deep and husky that seems to be a family trait. I pull him into a hug, when I pull back I tell him "I never want to see you smoke anything ever again, am I clear?"

"Yeah, I just figured since Ace does..." he trails off with a shrug. 

Looking over at my next to youngest brother, Ace, he's grown up too. He's eye level with me at 6'3", his body resembles the rest of ours, all muscle. The top of his chocolate brown hair is also a little too long but I guess it's so he can pull it up and style it the way he does, the sides are short to the head. His ears have big black gauges, a piercing on the left side of his lip and neck full of tattoos are the first things I notice. Looking down his arms I see those are also covered in colorful ink, now it all makes sense as to why he owns a tattoo shop. "Yeah, well Ace was always a rebel without a cause." I say pulling Ace into a hug while yanking the cigarette from his mouth too. 

"Never without a Cause, all for the ladies. Ladies love a rebel." He says winking his baby blue eyes that are line with a ridiculous amount eyeliner and eyelashes that are so dark and thick, that most girl have to buy.  I chuckle at his comment and he whispers into my ear "Good to see you, welcome home."

"Thanks man." I tell him just as a gorgeous, petite brunette saunters up to Ace. She's just his type in her tiny black dress and over the knee the black leather boots with at least six inch heels. She must be short without those because she barely comes to the middle of Ace's chest. Her dark grey eyes are lined with just as much eyeliner as his and her long dark hair hangs down to the small of her back. Her nose is pierced and I wonder if Ace is the one who did it.

Ace kisses her on the cheek just motions towards me "Savanna this is my older brother Jagger. Jagger this is my friend Savanna."

I extended my hand out to shake hers. "Nice to meet you Savanna, although I'm not sure what you see in this brother of mine. Clearly, you can do better." I love Ace but if he's referring to a girl as hot as Savanna as just a friend then he doesn't deserve her.

She laughs tossing her hair over her hair shoulder "I like you already." When she smiles her cold exterior automatically warms up. She should definitely being smiling more like that but I have the feeling Ace doesn't give her a whole lot of reason for these smiles. All of our thoughts and conversations come to a halt as Ryce Whitten pulls up in his canary yellow Porsche 911 but it's not because of the car or him, it's because of the volume of his music. It's ridiculous, I can barely hear myself think so I'm not quite sure how he managed to drive all the way down here. 

As he gets out he smirks in my direction, cocky little son of a bitch that he is. He loses every time he races but still acts like he's the best because of the amount of money he has in his trust fund. I see Ace ball his hand into a fist and I know that if I make one move he's got my back but I didn't come back to fight so I turn around in the other direction. I'm not going to let that rich brat cause me any trouble. He's still just pissed that Harlyn never even looked his direction. He had tried on multiple attempts but she had never even batted an eyelash, it was just another reason why I loved her. I hear a girl squeal in delight and glance back over my shoulder to see Ryce with his face buried in Jessica Mann's neck. She's barely clothed and by the way his hands all over here I wonder if he's going to take her right there on top of the hood of his car. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and notice the head of honey colored hair and long legs moving away from the scene with Ryce. I haven't seen her face but I know it's Londynn.